How to Split Travel Costs When One Person Makes More Money

Let’s dive into a taboo topic today: money.

And not only reading about money, or spending money – today we’ll be talking about money in a way that we hate: talking about it with other people.

I briefly mentioned this topic in a previous post [20 questions you should ask a potential travel partner before you leave home] but today we’re going all-in on this touchy subject. I’m going to share why it’s important to talk about money before you book your trip, how Michael and I split costs when we travel, some alternate ways for couples/friends to divide up their travel costs, and some tips for starting the money conversation.

Grab a notebook, a snack, and a glass of coffee or wine (but just one, k?) and let’s get to it:

WHY YOU SHOULD TALK ABOUT MONEY BEFORE YOU BOOK A TRIP

Well, we all know what happens when you assume (that is, we all get turned into donkeys and I’m not sure if donkeys are permitted to fly or not, so I’m really counting on you to not assume) and we want to make sure we don’t do that about a topic as touchy as money. Avoiding this conversation can lead to feelings that get hurt or the possibility that one person overspends and faces the consequences of debt long after they return home. On the flip side, someone who expects to live large while traveling may feel that they’ve “missed out” on what they wanted to do by only staying in hostels and eating budget meals.

Before you begin booking tickets (i.e. committing to a trip), gather with your partner or group to discuss the amount you’re willing to spend on transportation, lodging, sights and attractions, food, and shopping. It’s going to be awkward – and I’ll share some tips later on in today’s post for easing the pain of the money discussion – but it’s worth it. Then you’ll want to break down how you’ll actually split the cost, how money will exchange hands, and when. Having a clearly established timeline for reimbursement when one person makes a purchase for the group eliminates the need for that person to bug the group later for money. No one wants to have to worry over money when traveling – which is precisely why it’s so important to worry over money now. As for the math of divvying up costs, keep reading and I’ll present a few options for you to discuss with your travel mates.

REAL-LIFE: HOW MICHAEL AND I DIVIDE TRAVEL EXPENSES

Once upon a time, we split everything 50-50. We were working the same crummy restaurant job for the same pay, so it made sense. Eventually, we went on to work different jobs, and each of us ended up being the breadwinner at some point. For now, he’s the breadwinner, so we divide our household expenses like rent and utilities accordingly, with him paying the larger share. To calculate this percentage, we add up our post-tax salaries and determine what percentage of the overall household income we each make – and then we pay that percentage of our households’ fixed costs. As our incomes fluctuate with raises and such, we adjust the percentages we each pay toward these costs (this means we have the awkward money conversation more than once a year, and communication is key to any strong relationship). Other costs are not shared in this manner; say, if either of us wants a new garment, we foot that bill individually. And rather than splitting each restaurant check or grocery bill and having to transfer money back and forth, over and over, we take turns paying when it feels fair.

All of that to say: we apply these same principles to our travel expenses, and because we know each other so well and travel so often we like to keep things easy. When it comes to individual tickets, like airfare, train tickets, museum admission, and the like, we each pay our own share. But when we book lodging, we share the costs according to our income percentage. And just like the grocery bill at home, we take turns picking up the tab when we are dining out based on the cost of the bill. It’s also not uncommon that one of us will go ahead and claim the next check, which helps us avoid any “well, who’s going to pay?” moments at the register. And if one of us ever feels that we’ve been picking up more than our fair share of expenses, we are comfortable enough with each other to ask the other person to pay for other things. We’re pretty mindful about what we’re spending when we travel, so this rarely happens – but when it does we never assume the other person is purposely avoiding paying for things, rather it’s most likely that we were too busy or distracted to realize we hadn’t pulled out our credit card lately.

ALTERNATE WAYS TO DIVIDE TRIP EXPENSES

Okay, that’s great – but what if you’re a new couple? Or are part of a group of friends who don’t want to disclose their income? There are plenty of other ways you can divide costs without sharing your tax return, but keep in mind that everyone will likely end up covering at least their own single-ticket items like airfare or attraction tickets. As for the rest, here are a few examples of creative ways to divvy up costs:

Pay for what you get

This is an obvious one – everyone pays for what they receive. Don’t fall into the trap of splitting costs by the number of people in the group; just because the total is even doesn’t mean it’s fair or equal. At restaurants, don’t expect that paying your own way will be an easy task (though technology has made it easier for restaurants to split checks based on what each person orders); you can designate a “bookkeeper” in your group to pay for everything upfront and manage the Venmo activity on your trip. But you can also apply this concept to your lodging as well. Does one person have their own bathroom while the others share? That person pays a little extra for that luxury. On the flip side, if you don’t mind sleeping on the twin mattress in the living room, you should expect to realize some cost savings.

Pay by category

If done well, this can be a great method for splitting up costs on a group trip, and it alleviates the headache of splitting tabs multiple ways or worrying about transferring money all day long. After you have assembled a rough itinerary, but before you leave, choose categories you each will pay when out together based on your budget and wants. The person with the pickiest tastebuds and the loftiest budget can pick up the check at dinner, while the person who can’t seem to get going in the morning can pay for the AM coffees. The party-all-nighter can pick up the bar tab, and the person who complains about public transit can use their own Uber app to get everyone home. This method is probably the easiest to conform to, but you’ll still need to have conversations about how much you’ll spend at each outing so no one feels they’ve been taken advantage of. But, in general, this can work over many categories: coffee, specific meals, alcohol, transportation, tipping, tours, etc.

Pay by service

This method is particularly helpful when there’s a large gap in income or budget, especially for couples. If one person is in a more comfortable position to pay for expenses on the trip, the other can help with a larger share of the trip planning (which, when trips are well planned, usually results in a cost savings). Be careful to know your partner(s) well, though – if there’s not a lot of trust, you can wind up with an uncomfortable power imbalance.

Just split up

Sometimes the easiest way to divide travel costs is to just divide yourselves – especially on a group trip. Not every aspect of a trip needs to be completed together, and in fact, some solo or small-group time is probably beneficial for everyone. Just be sure you avoid falling into the rich group/poor group mindset when breaking from a larger group – it’s not helpful for anyone.

Embrace the all-in-one

Find single places that offer multiple experiences. Choose to dine at food halls or street food stalls where everyone can purchase something different while still gathering to eat communally. Give in to your shopping temptations at markets or thrift stores (or even shopping malls – remember those?) where items can be found at just about every price point. These are bonding experiences without a set price tag, and after all – creating these memories is why you decided to travel, right?

You pick, you pay

This dating principle can also be applied to travel. If you’re the one who really wants to visit the Louvre, you pay everyone’s entry (pro-tip: the first Saturday of every month is free from 6 p.m. – 9:45 p.m.). Or if you really want to go to that celebrity chef’s restaurant, the check gets delivered to you. And that one friend who insists that everyone takes an on/off bus tour? They’ll be paying for those tickets, so enjoy the ride.

TIPS FOR STARTING THE MONEY CONVERSATION

Okay, you’ve just read through all of this advice – but how do you actually start the conversation? It’s hard – it is – I get it. But if you can’t be sure that you (or others in your group) can afford to go on this trip, then you should prepare to stay home or alter your trip (or at least, expect to pick up the check more often). Ideally, this conversation should be a relatively quick one, so long as everyone is on the same page. While the conversation may be over soon, it will probably feel awkward. Here are a few things you can do to make that conversation a smidge easier:

Find neutral territory and limit distractions

Heading to someone’s house to have this discussion can really shift the dynamic of your conversation; instead, find a place that’s no one’s home turf. A loud restaurant with a server constantly checking on you? Nope. How about a quiet coffee shop or park instead? With that, limit technology as much as possible so you can really focus on the task at hand.

Talk about your budget, not your income

It should be easier to frame the conversation around how much you’re willing to spend, which doesn’t necessarily have to correlate to how much you make.

Discuss your “needs” for each day of the trip

At the very least, you’ll need to talk about how much you’ll need to pitch in to pay for everyone’s bare necessities.

Keep the conversation going

Plan to touch base at least once on your spending when you travel on an extended trip. Don’t risk harboring hurt feelings over someone inadvertently not sticking with the plan – just mention it whenever you find a good time. Oh, and never talk about money on an empty stomach!

Embrace the awkwardness

You’re going on a trip! Get excited! You just have to get through a few uncomfortable minutes talking about money, but it’s for good reason. And, as a bonus, I’ll wager that the next time you have to have this conversation with someone, it will be just a bit easier.

Plan something fun after

Having something fun planned immediately after can help break the tension and help get you pumped for more quality time together on your trip.

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Do you have any travel+money horror stories? Dish them below!